Crappy Drivers: The Intersection Passers

Okay, here's a scenario for you. Speed limit's like 20, intersection's about 50 meters ahead, I'm going to be taking a left at the stop sign. I'm on my bicycle, cruising about 15-17MPH. I hear a car approaching from behind. At our current speeds, it is impossible for the car to pass me and get a safe distance to pull back in to the lane before reaching the stop sign. I don't know what they are expecting here. Do they want me to pull over, stop, let them pass, then continue? WRONG! I just continue going along normally towards the intersection and pull to the left, rightfully claiming my lane as I approach the intersection. Claiming the lane at an intersection if you are not turning right is not only your right in New Hampshire, it is your duty.

This forces them to either get in line behind me, which would mean conceding defeat to a 15mph cyclist, the ultimate humiliation, or trying to get around me. If they try to accelerate around me with 50 feet left to the stop sign, I just hammer it out and beat or tie them to the line. Sorry pal, I'm ahead of you. This causes them to be next to me, in the oncoming traffic lane, trying to enter the intersection. If anyone else is trying to turn on to our street, then this guy is just sitting there, in oncoming traffic, blocking the way. There's no need for the air horn here, they know they have lost. Either way, I lay an epic track stand right in their face, and proceed through the intersection as traffic allows.

On a related note, there's also those times where, as a cyclist, you see that there is a red light up ahead. If you're downtown, the speed limit is only 15 or 20 depending on the road, so cyclists can keep up with traffic without any problem anyway. If I see a red light, I'll start coasting. I know the exact patterns and lengths and triggers of all the lights, depending on which lanes have cars and such. Ideally, I'm timing it so that the light turns green right as I roll up to the line. This actually makes traffic smoother, as there is no stop and re-acceleration. This is of even greater benefit to the cars than it is to myself.

But I gotta tell you, seeing a cyclist or two taking up the whole the lane and coasting at 6-8 miles per hour gets some people really, I mean really pissed off. Sometimes they blow around you at 25 miles an hour or more (way too fast for downtown). Congratulations Pinprick, you made it to... a red light! I once had a guy in a minivan through a tantrum and peel out, full squealing tires and everything, when the light finally turned green. Sorry dude, I just can't take you seriously in your wood-paneled Caravan.

Anyway, I guess these are a couple little things I do to intentionally be obnoxious, or when I am feeling sanctimonious. I'm not really defending them, and I hope someone comments to tell me off.

Laying Down the Law

So I'm biking home from work a couple of months ago. I get out of work around 1:30, two o'clock in the morning, and I bike through the little downtown area. If you don't know Portsmouth, it's a tourist town, and our economy is sustained by alcoholism. Just to paint the picture, we have a lot of one-way streets, drunk people, and out-of-towners. Toss smug, indignant bicyclists in to the mix and it starts to get interesting.

Anyway, I'm riding home on my bicycle, coming down Congress Street. That's the one-way main drag, from Market Square to the old library. Now, since the speed limit throughout downtown is only 15, I always claim my right to take up the full lane, since that is a speed which I can easily maintain, so I'm not an impediment to traffic. So I'm riding down Congress street, and I see a pair of headlights coming right at me.

Those with weak constitutions might have the initial reaction of swerving out of the way. This is wrong. This is letting the offending driver know that they have more right to drive the wrong way than you have the right to take the lane. Even if the situation were reversed, and someone was biking up the road the wrong way and I was driving, I would not move for them.

Headlights coming at me. I angle my own bicycle headlight up slightly, so it's straight in the face of the driver, and let a few blasts rip on my bicycle's air horn. They roll to a stop. The driver gestures his desire to continue forward, the wrong way up Congress street. I simply shake my head, no, and . Several seconds of this head-to-head stand-off tick by. Eventually he puts the car in reverse and turns around, the right way. There were a group of locals nearby, on the sidewalk, and they cheered for me. It felt pretty good.

Well I don't know what the point of that story was. I guess it just pays to be doing things right. If I didn't have my headlight (which is legally required after dark) I wouldn't have stopped the car. I always say, as cyclists, if we want the rights of the road, we have to accept the responsibilities. Accepting my responsibility with my headlight and ubiquitous red-blinky rear light, I've earned the right to not be ignored or marginalized after dark. I stop at stop signs, I wait at red lights, and I never ride up one-way streets. In going the extra distance of getting a loud horn, have I have earned the right to be occasional traffic enforcer?

Crappy Drivers: The Corner-Cutters.

My therapist advises me not to indulge my rage but I am told that my rants can be entertaining, so here goes:

You know what really grinds my gears? Crappy drivers. I'm talking about the kinds of drivers that you see and you just know that they failed out of preschool. I mean, they flunked at coloring-books. In other words, they don't know how to stay in the lines. It's a pretty simple concept. There are these lines on the roads and you keep your car inside those lines. Here, let me show you:

The picture pretty much speaks for itself, but what I am talking about is the way people cut corners when taking a left, and I'm approaching the intersection. Like, they feel the need to dive in to the corner at as wide an angle as possible, as if they are going 60 miles an hour and will roll their car if they try to take it any tighter. Hey jerkface, there are two lanes. Please get the f*dge out of mine. Seriously. Please learn how to drive before you come barreling down my street in the wrong lane.

So I unleash wrath of the Airzound bike horn upon them. This isn't particularly satisfying, since they are going the opposite direction of me, they are gone before there's any reaction. Alternatively, I speed up to reach the white stopping line, then (if I am taking a left or going straight) as far left in my lane as possible. This will send them in a panic as they are about to hit me, and make the swerve of avoidance, and theoretically realize what a jerk they have been all their lives, and re-enter driving school until they learn how to drive.

Alternatively, they may just hit me, and severely damage my bike or body. This is also somewhat acceptable, because I value cycling righteousness over personal safety. I guess that makes me some kind of bicycle zealot or something. . . . This approach might bear rethinking.